


the bargain for a soul

by Snowy_Cas



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Some Comfort?, M/M, why must i hurt myself like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy_Cas/pseuds/Snowy_Cas
Summary: It can't end like this, it just can't.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	the bargain for a soul

This was it. Everything was over.

Merlin had failed.

The culmination of all those years fighting tooth and nail to keep Arthur alive, and he only had to do it one more time.

There was no true winner of this battle. Camelot may have defeated the Saxons, but many of their men didn't make it off the turf. Arthur wasn't the only one who didn't return the next day, but the loss of him struck more hearts than anyone else's death would have. Merlin knew the kingdom would be mourning.

Morgana didn't fare better. She got what she wanted, Arthur was dead, but her victory was hollow. She'd lost everyone she'd ever cared about on her path to revenge, including herself. When Merlin drove that blade into her, he was doing her a favor.

Arthur was hard to lift into the boat.. Merlin had done this before, once with Freya and once with Lancelot, but they were both dressed in light clothes. Arthur's armor only added onto the dead weight, so Merlin couldn't hold him as well. At least, that's what he tried telling himself. He knew it was really because all his strength had left his body the moment he saw the light drain from Arthur's eyes. It had been difficult enough to simply call for the dragon, and he didn't know how he was still able to stand up. At this point, a breeze may have been enough to collapse him. 

The water of the lake was as still as the heartbeat of the man Merlin loved.

It hardly rippled, even when Merlin sent the boat gliding away. Seeing Arthur grow farther and farther away, he couldn't stop himself from crying any longer. He knew he must've looked awful, standing there with tears streaming down his cheeks and his features contorting, but that's how grief was. Like any emotion, it was raw, ugly, and purely human. It took him over completely until he was a sobbing mess. Merlin always felt emotions stronger than most.. Considering how many people he'd lost that were close to him, it was a wonder he hadn't become numb to anything. For a while, he thought he had, but the pain now was unlike any other he'd felt before. It ripped his heart into a thousand bleeding pieces and filled his lungs with lead.

The realization that Arthur wasn't going to be there in the morning hit Merlin like a punch in the gut.

He had managed to keep himself from thinking what life would be like without Arthur so far, but he could deny it no longer. The morning greetings, friendly jabs, all the sunny days and late nights spent together were gone. Arthur's smile, his laugh, his brilliant blue eyes and golden hair, the way he would rest his fingers on his lips when he was concentrating, how he'd say Merlin's name, every nook and cranny of his body and his being were gone.

No, he couldn't be, the world wasn't right without him.

Merlin stopped crying. He looked up at the boat Arthur's body lay in, so far away. He had to fix this, he'd do anything.

He ran into the water of the lake, so freezing that it wrecked his body with shivers, but he did not falter, not even for a second, as he waded even farther out until he was waist deep. 

To no one and to everyone, to the empty sky and to the universe, he shouted, “Bring him back!” Merlin’s magic began to buzz at his fingertips, sending ripples outward from his body.

“You hear me? I said bring him back!”

He repeated this phrase over and over again until his voice was hoarse.

There was no answer, not even a sign that someone was listening. It was as much as he’d expected, but he had to keep trying. He thought to himself that there was nothing in this world he wouldn’t give to bring Arthur back, and then Merlin remembered the rules of magic.

A life for a life. 

Tears sprang back to Merlin’s eyes, and he could feel his throat beginning to close up, but he still managed to whisper, “Take me instead.”

The water stilled.

“Alright? Kill me and give Camelot it’s king back,” Merlin begged. The coldness of the lake was beginning to get to him, and he shuddered. Tearfully, he added, “His life is worth so much more than mine,  _ please _ .”

There was silence, the loudest silence Merlin had ever heard, and then the water began to swirl. He backed up closer to the shore and looked down warily. This wasn’t the doing of his magic.

The water rose up around him in waves, lifting him into the air, then it began to circle around him. It was no longer freezing, in fact it felt warm. Merlin’s hair stuck to his forehead from the spray of mist from the waves. He should be scared, hovering here and not knowing what was happening to him, but the sensation was almost comforting.

Then he heard a small voice from somewhere close to him. Merlin closed his eyes and strained to hear.

_ Emrys… _

_ Heed the words of the Great Dragon. _

_ Your king will return to you, but you must wait. _

_ It is not your time, Emrys. _

When Merlin opened his eyes, he was back on the shore, completely dry, and the lake was as unmoving as it had been when he first arrived. There was no sign of whomever had spoken to him.

Merlin wanted to be angry, after all his offer had been refused and he didn’t even know by whom, but he wasn’t mad. He was calm. Something happened in the water that allowed him to accept what happened, but he couldn’t quite explain it. All he understood was that not all hope was lost. Arthur was the Once and Future King, and he and Merlin were destined to be reunited.

All he had to do was wait.

**Author's Note:**

> so like what if this is what we didn't see in the finale


End file.
